Like a thief in the night it steals your happiness, it steals your patience, and it steals your life. “It” would be depression. Depression takes away everything you hold on to, everything you get a glimpse of but never fully get to experience. I was 13 when I realized I wasn’t like everyone around me. I didn’t like spending time with friends; being around my family made me anxious; all social interaction was traumatic for me. Little did I realize, I was allowing myself to fall into a deep, dark hole.

    I didn’t realize my depression and anxiety had consumed my life until I no longer was able to have a normal, functioning relationship with the ones closest to me. My life felt like a lie. My happiness was gone, and I couldn’t imagine myself being happy ever again. I truly felt like I was screaming and no one could hear me; if I’m being honest, I still feel that way, every second of my life. I can be in room surrounded by family and friends and I will still feel so alone. I smile because I can’t stand the thought of letting anyone know I feel this way, but I’m only hurting myself more. Depression has taken so much from my life, and after awhile it started to manipulate my thoughts. I was no longer in control of my life, my thoughts, or my sanity.

    It took a mental breakdown for me to realize I needed help. I allowed myself to get so low, and so dark that I couldn’t imagine my life continuing. I knew I needed help and wanted to get better, but I knew the way I felt wouldn’t change overnight and that no one could understand the reason I felt this way. I have witnessed so many of my family members suffer with depression, and though they could continue day to day, I knew I couldn’t do it much longer. Life was feeling too overwhelming.

    After my parents’ divorce when I was seven, I saw a therapist for my nightmares and it helped. The counseling didn’t fix everything, but at least it helped. I knew that I needed to start going to therapy, and though I didn’t get better overnight, I finally was able to learn different strategies to deal with my depression and anxiety.      

    For so long, so many people told me I couldn’t feel so low, I couldn’t feel this anxious because I had such a good life. While I do have a good life that I know so many would die for, my struggle was internal, and it was consuming my life. I never want anyone in my life to feel like their feelings are invalid. All feelings matter. All emotions matter.

    There is so much depth to my struggle and story, but I know I’m not alone. There are so many people in this world who go through the same struggle as I, but they have a different story. I realize that there’s more that needs to come from this. I want my peers to know that they are not alone. When they wake up and don’t even want to start the day, I know how they feel. When they smile in a picture but are dying inside, I know how they feel. When they are in a bright room, but only see the darkness, I know how they feel. I want everyone who feels this way to also know it’s okay to feel how you feel; only you feel what you feel. No one is alone, and there are so many options that a person with depression and anxiety has. I know how hard it can be to ask for help, but help is always better than a temporary feeling that leads to a permanent action.